not easy to state the change you made

before @ 2009-04-26T19:05:00

2009-04-26T18:08:24Z

I can now be found on Dreamwidth at esque. I'll probably crosspost here as well, but if you have an account on LJ or Inksome, you can make an openid account and read (and comment on) my posts there.

Completely unashamedly, a massive reason for my moving there is that they allow me to list my gender as 'other', rather than the usual 'male' or 'female'. I am also absolutely and completely in love with their Diversity Statement (someone else discusses it here). They look... incredibly awesome, and, so, yeah. If anyone over here requests access to me on Dreamwidth (I'll probably be posting primarily locked over there) I'll allow them. :)

before @ 2009-04-12T09:50:00

2009-04-12T08:52:12Z

Had such a few crazybusy days. Work, work, more work- though it was actually a fairly calm week, as they go, it just feels a bit like I've been there all week and done nothing else, because I've been so tired when I get home I've not been up to anything other than sitting around poking the internet with bargepoles- apart from on Friday, when I met up with the cult & Elaine (who I haven't seen in 4 years! This is.. weird, to think it's been that long, and that so much has changed in the meantime in my own life) and went out for the night in Canal Street, which was absolutely brilliant as always, especially with such great company. It's ridiculous, but going out drinking with friends never fails to remind me how okay life is; it's strangely grounding, a bit, when my head is off somewhere full of stress and upset and triggerfish- having fun with people I trust in a comforting bar. It also reminds me that I'm actually a grown-up capable of handling things (well, mostly), rather than a 14-year-old trapped in their house because of insurmountable social anxiety. I think it's good to remind myself of all that.

Anyway, yesterday = yet more work, then came home and OMG DOCTOR WHO SPECIAL. Which I actually (unsurprisingly) had quite a few issues with, but I'll not spoiler anyone. On the one hand, yes, it's always awesome to have new Doctor Who on TV; on the other hand... RUSSELL T. DAVIES, IF YOU RUIN THIS SHOW RIGHT BEFORE YOU LEAVE, I WILL PERSONALLY COME TO YOUR HOUSE AND SHOUT AT YOU A LOT. But the bit at the end = squee, even though I've already seen the photographs of the certain person etc. Then stayed up very late watching movies (Little Miss Sunshine & Perspolis, both of which = just what I needed right at that moment).

Today = an actual day off work. Have a mountain of laundry & studying & cleaning to do (which means I will probably find some reason to sit on the sofa reading/painting all day), so, yes.

before @ 2009-04-08T14:06:00

2009-04-08T17:26:14Z

first day back at work = knackering. good to be back, though, in a weird way. and there is a new guy! who is awesome and calm and seems like a genuinely happy person and he seems to know what he is doing! GODSEND.

brain is still swimming with triggerfish. (actually, I kind of wish it was. that'd be really kawaii. and weird. but still cute.) going for a big hot bath with a bottle of beer shortly; bliss.

butyes. completely forgot to mention that I have a new (ish) private twitter, here, if anyone wants to add it.

...yeah. brain is vere vere tired.

before @ 2009-04-06T09:34:00

2009-04-06T08:51:50Z

to-do:

read 100 pages of textbook + notes + highlighting + revision tests for three chapters
grocery shopping (why does the only bank machine around here charge me £2 to withdraw money?)
phone work & check shift for Wednesday
LAUNDRY
glare at pointedly not-dyed-black hair in mirror (why does henna not work? why does indigo dye not work? WHAT IS WRONG WITH MY HAIR?)
~~call mum and ask for money~~ crap, she's still in Germany until tomorrow, fail. maybe I should consider this a sign
find awesome painkillers, which I have somehow lost
work on awful painting
lots of staggering around, lying on the sofa grumbling at jointfail, wanting to throw things at the internet, etc

my sleep schedule is absolutely fucked. somehow over the last few days it's become: stay up until midnightish, sleep for a bit, wake up, become unable to get back to sleep, eventually nod off for a couple of hours, wake up at 8am (without any sort of alarm, even, over the weekend), stagger around, and have to lie down for a while at around 3pm, not really napping, but not really awake either. I'm not tired in the evenings, and my brain seems to have lost the concept of 'it is night, now you need to sleep'. slightly worried about being back at work; won't be able to take a convenient break at three in the afternoon to collapse somewhere.

dealing with a lot of personal crap, in other news, none of which I will be discussing here, but.. sans twitter, I'm probably going to be very quiet (apart from little frippery-ish posts like these) online for the forseeable, just while I attempt to get my head sorted out. seems the most reasonable thing to do, under the circumstances. still checking email and twitter regularly, though.

you've travelled all this way and it's the same.

2009-04-03T21:15:42Z

Amanda Palmer saved my life. I feel like a twat for saying that, even thought it sort of feels like that. But, I don't know, finally I have discovered a perseveration that isn't work or upsetting things and... there is just something so very incredibly yes about her and her music and her writing. If I'm feeling very, very low, HEY LET'S LISTEN TO AMPERSAND OVER AND OVER and somehow I come out the other side not hating myself quite as much. Which is a good thing, and worth noting, and worth making a weird babbly post about.

I wish I could embed youtube videos properly, but.. no, apparently not. Have a link instead. 'Astronaut' live. Also 'Leeds United'. And 'Ampersand' (official video, not live. Live she is just so.. so different, so much more alive and there in what she's singing somehow, but I cannot find a decent live version of &, so).

And I may be romantic
And I may risk my life for it
But I ain't gonna die for you
You know I ain't no Juliet-

Maybe in a year when I'm in a completely different mental space I'll look back and wonder what I saw that was so meaningful. Part of me hopes that will happen, almost.

stuff. boring stuff.

2009-04-02T08:54:52Z

Have made myself a Central Perk-sized bucket of coffee, stolen a functional laptop from the living room (so cannot afford a new laptop right now. Am really freaking out that my baby has started bluescreening every ten minutes, no matter what weird fixes I try. Would just wipe her and start again, but I don't have a copy of windows xp. Hence, omgpanic), and gone back to bed.

Today = start of six days off work, after working eight days in a row. Which, yes, is illegal (the latter, not the former) in this country, but idiot that I am, I agreed to it, and now I feel like... to be honest, I don't feel as bad as I was expecting, but I will be spending most of today in bed and on the sofa, unable to do anything useful at all. Not only am I in pain that is epic like epic cat (have given up trying to find appropriate metaphors for the level of joint pain I sustain on a regular basis and instead have invented a new measurement scheme: 'timid cat' (level 1 pain) all the way through 'epic cat' (about level 7-8, so I'm not actually in tears) and frankly, if I am able to type, I haven't got to level 9-10, so I don't see myself ever needing a relevant moniker for that sort of incredible awfulness, other than offline mumbling while I'm curled up in the foetal position waiting for painkillers to work) but I'm also brainfogged, which makes anything more complicated than opening an update window pretty difficult. Writing is okay today, though; I'm not sitting around for half an hour trying to figure out how to formulate a sentence like 'I made a cup of coffee', which is good.

Uh, yeah. Was planning on doing Important Things today, but, well, no. Having panic attacks at doctors and bank-shaped people will have to wait until.. I'm going to say next Monday, because that will give me enough time to stop feeling like a ball of anxiety about doing Important Things, and also give me enough time to have recovered from work enough to, you know, be able to walk down a flight of stairs without wanting to immediately sit down (or stab myself in the face, whichever = NO MORE PAIN sooner).

today's twitters...

2009-04-01T19:12:12Z

20:18 have a massive hole in my pants. hope it's not been there all bloody day. #
20:20 today was made of: very sore feet (stupid smart shoes), not being able to spell 'stationery' properly, wankers, workstress #
20:27 also: epic fail, going back to wanting to leave the internet, not wanting to leave the internet, fucking vile flashbacks, a panic attack #
20:29 alsoalso: HATING EVERYONE (except the cult), wishing I could carry TJ around with me for stress relief all the time #
20:30 and finally: someone I like rather a lot at work leaving. her final words: "You're on the way to burnout; don't let this job kill you." #
20:30 the most depressing moment of this year so far. #
20:30 really concerned that I am not coping with anything particularly well at the moment. #
20:30 going for a bath with a big glass of brandy now. #
22:30 internet burnout = hiatus (indefinite). reachable as ever via email: spiralroses@gmail.com, or ofleaves@gmail.com. #
22:31 Sick, basically, of the All Singing All Dancing Triggerfest 3000 combined with workburt and healthburt and mentalburt. email me. will reply. #

(flung into the ether by LoudTwitter.)

before @ 2009-03-31T22:37:00

2009-03-31T21:50:28Z

I have removed everyone from my reading list here. I am taking a break from the internet but would like to leave myself the option of having somewhere to write from time to time. My updates will always be public. You will be able to comment and read what I post even if I do not 'add you back' etc. I would like to think of this space as more of a public blog than anything else. To be honest, the only reason I've not moved to a blog is that I like having silly icons, and there are communities I like to participate in.

Today has been.. strange, and long, and stressful, and full of finding comfort in the weirdest places.

today's twitters...

2009-03-31T19:12:02Z

20:07 dinner: burgers, buttery mash, salad & balsamic dressing, with some sweet chilli sauce. TV: Simpsons. #
20:08 mood today: spectacularly up and down, from epic rageface to wanting to cry on bus to work. I fail, in shocking news. #
20:45 oh, warren ellis, never change, you crazy old man. #
20:47 one day I will be a bloody rock star serenading neil gaiman in my underwear one day, screaming my heart out at warren ellis the next #
20:48 and until that day, I will follow famous people on Twitter like a stalker. a creepy stalker. stalking them. stalkily. #
20:52 frozen veg in the freezer next to a tub of dead baby mice: the weird joys of living in a house with an adorable pet snake. #
21:11 getting an early night, I think. Going to try and read some more of The Savage Detectives. Mm, Bolano.. #
21:27 "A pictures worth a million words-
And that way nobody gets hurt-" #
21:33 it's a god-awful sad affair. ♫ blip.fm/~3m004 #
21:43 sitting up in bed with a glass of brandy watching youtube videos of new Doves & Yeah Yeah Yeahs songs. #
21:44 ...kind of want to spill my drink on my current textbook. can just imagine emailing my tutor: (ctd) #
21:44 (ctd) "dear tutor, unable to write essay as have spilled brandy all over relevant course material, v. sorry. xx" #
21:45 though this is also the same tutor that has still not marked my last essay, so he deserves it, frankly. just for irritating me. #
21:45 and on that note, sorry, housemates, but I drank the last of the brandy. uh. yes. #
22:11 note to self: regional visit at work tomorrow, wear decent shoes. yes, lack of comfy smart shoes is the end of the world. cope. #
07:48 had horrible horrible awful nightmares, but slept right through the night. weird. #
08:00 @wayfarers have just gone to work and I am convinced they are going to get run over because they are so bloody tired. dorks. <3 #
08:09 yes, fuckwin. am back into the 'angry at everything' mindset rather than 'upset by everything'. would rather feel like the former any day. #
08:18 On bus to work. 7th day in a row! Would rather not sit around at home stressing today, though, so. #
18:54 Insanely long day was insane & long. At wasabi for dinner again. Need beer injection asap #

(flung into the ether by LoudTwitter.)

today's twitters...

2009-03-30T19:11:52Z

20:22 delicious ben & jerry's ice cream is delicious. #
20:37 massive glass of brandy. fuck yes. #
20:59 @scattermoon would love to see you! just need to check with housemates, though I doubt there'll be a problem. :) #
21:10 @rhymershouse click 'profile', then 'settings', then fill in 'one line bio' field. if that's what you mean? ps. good to see you on Twitter! #
21:23 @scattermoon have checked, everyone said 'yay!' can't wait to see you! email with details? spiralroses@gmail.com :) #
21:25 I have paused this episode of the Simpsons at the perfect moment to catch Mo making an epic D: face. #
21:26 it is my face whenever I'm online, lately. #
21:29 bit.ly/11PPC also THIS FACE RIGHT HERE. #
21:38 really really wish I wasn't on an early shift tomorrow, argh. #
22:02 attempting to sign on aim, but I cannot remember my password, it's been that long. oops. #
22:07 on aim. thought part of me is just 'no! all I want to do is stare at pictures of Amanda Palmer's beautiful face all evening!' #
22:11 three people that all live in the same house all sitting in different rooms all talking to each other on AIM: modern life is awesome #
22:13 ♫ blip.fm/~3kkhw #
22:17 shouting from room to room also works. #
22:23 so much love for this song. ♫ blip.fm/~3kkx9 #
22:44 "who needs love when we have Southern Comfort-" #
22:45 HAVING A CULT BBQ ON SATURDAY IN OUR GARDEN OF WIN YESSS so excited #
22:54 oh crap so not getting any sleep tonight. #
23:10 sleep sleep is sleep. and also not for me. argh. #
06:41 early morning ugh. off to catch bus for work. finally have a day off tomorrow but will probably just spend it stressing about work, irony #
06:48 no, I refuse to fucking hide away from you, you bastard. I don't care I don't care you can't do anything to me through a monitor. #
06:53 and now, after my early morning dose of RAGEFACE, I am going to go to work. fucking internet, why do I even bother. #
17:15 Have just managed to extend hols to be next thur-tue! Six days off! Downside: working next 2 days :( #
18:11 home, where the beer is. #
18:16 ♫ blip.fm/~3lpah #
18:43 ♫ blip.fm/~3lqnu #
18:56 got me through the day. <3 ♫ blip.fm/~3lrak #
19:07 ♫ blip.fm/~3lrug #
19:07 shower time. must get disgusting stench off. #
19:19 clean clean is clean. #
19:24 going to attempt to cook (!) dinner shortly. #

(flung into the ether by LoudTwitter.)

today's twitters...

2009-03-29T19:11:00Z

19:42 home home is home. sitting on the sofa with a big glass of brandy. fighting off anxiety attacks re: clocks going forward #
20:20 twitpic.com/2jkzg - looking rough and trying not to care. #
20:38 next day off work is Tuesday. arg. is really starting to show re: horrible skin, bags under eyes, stench of bookdust, lack of sleep etc #
21:33 bed bed is bed. mm, clean sheets. #
07:44 losing an hour's sleep = not a happy me. #
07:48 have kind of decided to stop fighting the urge to hide away on Twitter. no more journals, no blogs, fucking nothing. #
07:49 I hate that whenever I'm online, it somehow causes stress or squick or proper triggerfail. I hate that my past makes it this way. #
07:49 And I hate that I now have to go to work even though I feel disgusting and like I'm covered in something ugly and really want a shower #
18:19 As i was leaving work, the realizatìon: 'god, h was talking such shit today'. So tired. #
18:42 that should read: "god, I was talking such shit today". bloody mobile keypad. #
18:43 home now, anyway. shower, curling up on sofa, lots of brandy. why do I have '12' written on the back of my left hand? #
19:24 bit.ly/qu67 saw the aftermath of this on my commute. police search teams/search dogs/tactical aid vans/nosy grandmothers. unsettling. #
19:31 twitpic, stop being weird. #
19:33 mood today: flat, busystressed. hate slowing down, having to slow down, end up thinking about things I don't want to think about. the usual. #

(flung into the ether by LoudTwitter.)

today's twitters...

2009-03-28T20:11:02Z

21:38 hopefully no cracked-out dreams tonight... #
22:05 love rediscovering old bands. especially bands from my teenage years. and I never even knew The Doves were local to Manchester.. #
18:34 Long day was long. Work finally over; out to dinner at wasabi, awesome sushi place. Thank god for beer #
19:42 home home is home. sitting on the sofa with a big glass of brandy. fighting off anxiety attacks re: clocks going forward #

(flung into the ether by LoudTwitter.)

today's twitters...

2009-03-27T20:11:21Z

20:13 bath = wonderful. however concerned that I'm not doing so great (emotionally) today. think I may mention moods via twitter: good way (ctd) #
20:14 to keep track/look back on them curiously from the distant mists of the future. #
20:15 dinner: I am actually cooking! and only the kitties are here to see it. bah, well. #
20:16 pasta & spinach & tomato-y sauce with a background of Jeeves and Wooster. #
20:25 pasta = good, but I made waay too much. whoops. #
20:27 @amandapalmer have you ever been to Manchester, UK? #
20:28 @amandapalmer and another (if that's allowed): what's your favorite hair color on girls? #
21:04 Testing twittering from my phone... #
21:06 right, guess that works, then. there goes my low phone bill... #
21:43 going to curl up in bed with a terrible book. #
06:44 just for once, would be nice to get decent sleep. #
17:06 New season of ashes to ashes next month! SO EXCITED like the dork i am #
17:51 home, finally. stinking up the living room, going to dive in the bath with a bottle of beer shortly. #
17:52 OH MY GOD KRAFTWERK ARE COMING TO MANCHESTER #
17:52 I NEED A TICKET RIGHT NOW AAAAAAAAH #
17:54 NOOOOOOOO SOLD OUT NOOOO WHY NO I ONLY READ ABOUT IT IN THE PAPER TODAY #
17:54 GOD WHY DO YOU HATE ME ;_; #
18:00 ♫ blip.fm/~3hjn9 #
18:51 nice bath was nice. <3 #
19:00 oh, yeah, and for the record: mood today = both too busy (work) to even feel anything at all other than SDUHSKJH STRESS SLDJLSKJ & (ctd) #
19:00 (ctd) given to spending ten minutes staring at myself in staff bathroom mirror wondering why people do not explode when they see me. #
19:01 so up and down, I guess. #
19:05 Billy Bragg! thank you blip.fm, perfect. "I loved the words you wrote to me-
But that was bloody yesterday-" #
19:09 Jack has been awesome & rented box set of the Simpsons & bought dinner: veggie toad in the hole/veggies/mash. mmm... <3 #

(flung into the ether by LoudTwitter.)

today's twitters...

2009-03-26T20:11:42Z

22:15 got home at 9.45pm, shovelled some disgusting food in gob, have taken refuge from world with a glass of wine in bed. #
22:15 today: long. #
22:16 also: frustrating, aggravating, calm in patches, agonising in others, exhausting etc #
22:17 more authors should wear hot pink doc marten boots, though. that would totally make the world a better place. #
22:17 honestly brain has fallen apart and cannot write really anything coherent. goodnight, twitter. on early shift tomorrow... #
06:45 good morning. #
06:45 managed to get about four hours of broken, patchy sleep. have a feeling today is going to suck #
18:01 feel much saner for being home at a reasonable time. #
18:07 god, why is getting flights to Venice so complicated? #
18:28 ♫ blip.fm/~3fyfd #
18:30 ♫ blip.fm/~3fykx #
18:35 "If you're not really here- then I don't want to be either." #
18:48 going for a bath shortly. mm, silly Lush bubble bath stuff + silly fancy cider. just need to find a silly book #

(flung into the ether by LoudTwitter.)

today's twitters...

2009-03-25T20:12:18Z

21:43 Chroma = delicious pizza & cheesecake! #
22:20 mm, brandy + ginger wine. #
22:22 ps. neighbours? TURN THE FUCKING VOLUME DOWN ON YOUR AWFUL CRONK DANCE MUSIC I WILL CALL THE BLOODY POLICE ON YOU #
07:46 good morning. it is chucking it down with rain, and where have I left my umbrella? at work. because that's logical. #
07:46 long day today: 9.30-6 shift, then helping out with an author signing tonight. hopefully home by about 9-10ish, though. #
07:47 it's actually been so long since I've done this shift that I've forgotten which bus is best to catch. um. #
07:54 also, bwuh, weird dreams last night. #

(flung into the ether by LoudTwitter.)

today's twitters...

2009-03-24T20:15:40Z

20:42 have just conquered an Ikea flat-pack table! #
21:18 ...so, I just dropped my laptop, and it typed AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH when it hit the floor #
21:33 dinner: pizza & garlic dough balls & pakoras & bhajis & blinis (!) #
22:50 playing rock band II! #
00:07 ♫ blip.fm/~3bwxa #
00:08 ♫ blip.fm/~3bwyq #
00:10 "Come as you were
Come as you are
Come as you came
All naked and drunk on heart and lazy-" #
00:11 vanilla solid perfume from Lush = amazing. #
00:12 ♫ blip.fm/~3bx3r #
00:13 bliss. ♫ blip.fm/~3bx67 #
00:16 ♫ blip.fm/~3bx9x #
00:17 ♫ blip.fm/~3bxc8 #
00:18 ♫ blip.fm/~3bxcu #
00:20 ♫ blip.fm/~3bxfx #
00:20 ♫ blip.fm/~3bxgh #
07:58 good morning world. beautiful day is sunny and warm! I can smell an afternoon in the garden with a book coming on... #
07:59 ♫ blip.fm/~3catk #
08:00 ♫ blip.fm/~3cau1 #
08:01 ♫ blip.fm/~3caui #
08:04 ♫ blip.fm/~3caw0 #
08:07 ♫ blip.fm/~3caya #
08:19 ♫ blip.fm/~3cb5g #
08:42 lazy morning on the internet in bed. don't have another day off for six days, so will spend this one relaxing... #
11:12 I have a ridiculous google search history. #
11:12 "I drank out of date beer, will I die?" #
11:12 "how do you boil eggs" #
11:12 my age is showing again. #
11:17 should get out of bed and make brunch and put silly frippery clothes on. #
11:19 right. up. getting. (ugh. horrible headache from yesterday has come back.) #
11:31 honestly it's like I woke up with no hangover, fine for three hours, then WHAM MASSIVE HEADACHE WOOP WOOP #
11:31 maybe I need to eat something. or drink something. or maybe it's just that I've dared to go too long with no painkillers. #
11:33 okay. up, silly clothes, brunch, chill on sofa with internet & books & sketchpad & Jeeves and Wooster. (and painkillers.) #
12:07 twitpic.com/2eima - breakfast & lunch. #
12:07 think I might paint, actually. light is really nice today. #
12:08 twitpic.com/2eimz - current mess- painting- I'm struggling with. #
12:42 absolutely covered in cat hair. this is why I can never be a real goth. #
12:45 last.fm, please stop playing the Bolt soundtrack at me. I can only take so much #
12:46 TJ STOP KNOCKING MY PAINTS OVER #
12:47 Au Revoir Simone = <3 #
12:48 "Play me a sad song
'Cause that’s what I want to hear
I want you to make me cry
I want to remember the places that we left-" #
12:51 wow, I could actually honestly sit and watch twittervision all day.. #
13:20 TJ, LICKING BURNING INCENSE IS NOT A GOOD PLAN #
13:24 feeling really weird and emotional and irrational. bleah. #
13:25 really really hate this painting. may just paint over it and start again. #
14:04 oh, the joys of being home alone. wandering around half-naked (I'm about to take a shower! I have a legitimate reason!) #
14:48 ♫ blip.fm/~3cl2t #
14:58 "I wish you could remind me who I was-" AFP, Astronaut, much lessthanthree. #
15:27 Mm. Shower with Lush 'wake up!' emotibomb = bliss. Explosion in a lemonade factory-style bliss. #
15:34 ♫ blip.fm/~3cnh2 #
16:35 taking a nap. because I... yeah. #
16:45 okay, no nap for me then. #
16:46 considering going vegan. this may be the worst idea I've ever had #
17:20 passed out for about twenty minutes an woke up very confused. going out for drinks & dinner shortly. #

(flung into the ether by LoudTwitter.)

today's twitters...

2009-03-23T20:10:20Z

21:09 dinner has been had, now watching @fractalroses play SH5. ljlsdkj keep screaming like an idiot when monsters jump out #
22:05 heading to bed shortly. may have horrible dreams about horrible monsters. on early shift tomorrow... #
06:45 why the hell was our bathroom window open? admittedly it's the kind that only opens at the top for a few inches, so no escaped kitties #
18:04 home, finally. long day was long. started work at 7.45.. fairly chill day, though, for once. #
18:05 and we have heating! I bought silly smelly things from Lush and I cannot wait to take a bath. #
18:08 ♫ blip.fm/~3bf75 #
18:13 ♫ blip.fm/~3bfi4 #
18:16 "where have all the good men gone and where are all the gods?" #

(flung into the ether by LoudTwitter.)

today's twitters...

2009-03-22T20:09:22Z

20:08 argh, not used to f5 not working on macs. #
20:08 cooking pizza for dinner, & plenty of white wine. Day off tomorrow. evening = bliss. #
00:50 black books = as fucking hysterical (and painfully true) as ever #
01:03 twitpic.com/2c4mq - make no excuses. #
01:05 I love staying up late, an almost frightening amount. #
10:03 slept for nine hours. ow. #
10:28 staggered around for a bit and have given in to feeling awful and gone back to bed. #
10:29 I hate that 'having a cold' for me = 'feeling like you've been tossed in a blender and then scrubbed with sandpaper' #
10:39 I really am irritated by people who capitalize Every Single Bloody Word when they write #
10:40 I'm even irritated by people who only capitalize Meaningful and Important (supposedly) things. just, skjldkjlk STOP IT, BAD WRITING ALERT #
11:30 is twitpic down? because, argh, annoying. #
13:14 'steamrollered' doesn't seem quite adequate to describe how I'm feeling. #
13:43 dragging self out of bed. #
15:07 ate lunch, now very queasy. obviously a mistake. #
15:25 mm. tea. #
17:10 surfing on the sofa. stumbleupon, as ever, has captured my meagre attention span. #
18:13 ♫ blip.fm/~3a22u #
18:16 ♫ blip.fm/~3a27c #
18:18 ♫ blip.fm/~3a294 #
18:18 ♫ blip.fm/~3a29k #
18:21 I have discovered blip.fm. and apparently the housemates are going to make homemade cookies shortly #
18:33 ♫ blip.fm/~3a2xp #
18:38 ♫ blip.fm/~3a35o #
18:39 ♫ blip.fm/~3a36l #
19:18 those cookies turned into.. cake. really tasty cake, though. #

(flung into the ether by LoudTwitter.)

before @ 2009-03-22T13:12:00

2009-03-22T13:28:58Z

work is apparently on Google Street View now. this is weird and amusing. (our house isn't, though. bah.)

View Larger Map

hope that worked, anyway. it's just the view from the street, facing the front of the building. work = the first three floors (out of seven). all those window displays are from last summer's sales campaign, and it's sort of weird to see that my displays are on googlemaps.

pointless post is pointless.

2009-03-22T11:35:11Z

Stuck in bed with a cold. Well. Not so much 'stuck' as 'I seem a bit unable to stand up for longer than a few minutes without falling over in agony'. Probably a hellish combination of catching the horrible cold, being knackered after a week at work, and having the last tendrils of a creeping (fading, though) hangover. Probably a good thing the trip to Blackpool has been cancelled due to boiler!fail, because.. yeah. Doing anything more useful than lying around in bed for most of the day is probably not going to happen. I may possibly attempt to get up and put on silly nice clothes to cheer myself up and go lie on the sofa instead. Possibly.

Currently managing to read three books all at the same time. Not literally all-at-once, just.. I'm a few chapters into Singling out the Couples by Stella Duffy (which is MASSIVE INCREDIBLE AMOUNTS OF LOVE so far, I haven't gone OMG HEART at a book like that in ages), I'm partway into Stephen King Goes to the Movies (trashy easy reading for when, like now, my brain is made completely out of mush and cannot make sense out of anything), and I'm also re-reading Only Revolutions (the full-colour US import I ordered in at work finally arrived, I exploded with joy, and, yeah. Am convinced I am going to eventually have twelve copies of OR, each one slightly different in some insignificant way). I wish I could say this is a new record, but if I counted all the books I've currently half-read, sitting in piles all over the house, then.. it'd be a much bigger number.

a casual kind of interruption-disruption

2009-03-21T21:06:19Z

I cope far better with just updating twitter on workdays and avoiding the rest of the internet like the plague; sorry for the dearth of posts here. First proper week back at work has been knackering and stressful and blergh, but it is over and by the end of the week I'm feeling much more calm about everything, which is good. Awesome sunny weather has helped incredibly. Sun! On my skin! Brilliant! Not having to wear a coat outside, also brilliant! Sitting in the garden with my laptop, amazing! It's just such a noticeable change from last week/the week before, when my head felt like a big jumbled pile of fail and ick that refused to do anything coherent/relax/stop spinning out into anxiousness. I still feel a bit like I'm stuck on a weird see-saw torture device, but a little better.

Ordering in a million Beat Generation books at work for a big table display. This makes me squee incredibly. Love love love that side of my job, getting in books I adore and am obsessed with and think are fucking wonderful and seeing them there on the shelf and, yes, people even buying them! And reading them! Sometimes I think I'd maybe be much more suited to working in a library, but then I remember that I wouldn't be able to order whatever the fuck I liked (pretty much, anyway. Single copies = usually fine, if it's in print and not a gazillion pounds. Fifty copies of the £40 US hardback edition of House Of Leaves, not so much. Though I do try to make sure we do have all four different editions of that in, because I am.. a completist, or something). And then I'd not get to indulge the absolutely batshit insane part of me that is obsessed with meeting sales targets.

Um, yes. This post = faintly pointless.

(If anyone on my flist has a twitter, just follow me- beforelast- and I'll follow you back. It's public anyway & also mirrored here, so it's not like you're missing anything if you don't)

today's twitters...

2009-03-21T20:09:15Z

20:59 dinner -> veggie soup. mm. and brandy! #
21:42 twitpic.com/2agzt - hair is being ridiculous today. tshirt says 'the vampire slayer' and I #
21:43 I <3 it, as I was saying. #
21:45 twitpic.com/2ah57 - new shoes. cameo from mini-amp. #
21:46 I look about 12 in photos, ugh. I swear I am 21, honestly. an old 21. really. #
21:50 attempting to stay up (even though I just want to keel over) as @fractalroses has rented Silent Hill 5, epic squee #
23:25 oh god oh god cannot sleep too many zombies #
06:46 ldkjkaljslkjasdi so tired, must now go drool on bus/work #
06:49 breaking in new shoes at work. this is a horrible idea, probably, which will result in me hobbling home weeping in 9.5 hours #
17:59 home. oh god my feeeet. have immediately collapsed on bed like massive wuss. #
18:00 good day, though! and found a cheap copy of the first season of Black Books! obviously a Sign. #
18:02 twitpic.com/2bish - ridiculous glasses I bought yesterday for 40p. #
18:05 there is a boiler repairman singing in my bathroom. #
18:25 TJ STOP TRYING TO RUN AWAY #
19:12 "it's a shame it's a shame it's a perfect shame-" #
19:12 The Bird & The Bee are glorious. #
19:14 because our boiler is fucked, and repairman must replace it tomorrow, probably not going to Blackpool. not happy. #
19:15 though not end of world, and will have plenty of chance to go at some point soon. day off with housemates no matter what is <3 #

(flung into the ether by LoudTwitter.)

today's twitters...

2009-03-20T20:09:40Z

21:10 home, finally. much better day today. weather was lovely and sat in tiny park during lunchbreak, really cheered me up. #
21:11 also had very nice customers today! always brilliant. nice reminder of why I do what I do. #
21:11 going to send horrible essay off now. refuse to worry about it. #
21:36 TJ's breath smells so bad I WANT TO DIE #
21:41 watching Jeeves & Wooster! #
21:42 dinner = big fancy cheese pizza & garlic baguette. mm. perfect after eating nothing except a bag of crisps today. #
22:22 youtube surfing in an attempt to relax enough to sleep. #
06:42 good morning manchester #
06:42 happy payday to me! now I can buy food again (and books) #
06:43 off bus-hunting in three minutes exactly. late shift -> early shift = fairly horrible, but I'm not the only one doing it this time. #
19:12 home, finally. late as went book & clothes shopping; photos later. #
19:12 today summed up: sold a lot of books, bought ridiculous sunglasses, feet hurt like hell. (weather -> still nice.) #
19:13 going for a bath with a glass of wine and trashy stephen king novel shortly. #
19:28 mm, bath bath is bath. #

(flung into the ether by LoudTwitter.)

today's twitters...

2009-03-19T20:09:54Z

20:31 dinner: mash, veggie sausages, and corn with garlic butter. the joys of someone else cooking for me... #
21:51 Pineapple Express is actually pretty funny, unexpectedly. #
22:00 just lost the game. (sorry.) #
22:06 twitpic.com/287o8 - proof of a long day. #
22:49 time for sleeps. fingers crossed. (going cold turkey on painkillers was an awful idea.) #
08:03 oh god have one hour to write another 1500 words and then have to dash to work for horrible late shift and there is no milk so no coffee #
08:04 universe, what did I do to make you hate me #
08:04 also constantly praying that my computer won't crash does not make for a very relaxed writing environment #
08:41 just cannot stretch this essay out enough. may have to fall short and hope for tutor to be in a forgiving mood when marking. #
08:52 argh, I am writing such wank. #
09:00 time to bring out the massive-quote guns. SEE HOW YOU LIKE THAT, WORDCOUNT. also cheating and am going to count the bibliography #
09:00 I'm a terrible student. #
09:06 really cannot figure out how to make this longer. #
09:25 I give up, this is as done as it's going to get. #
10:04 god, new ipod shuffle = epic want. #
10:05 and it's only (!) £60. argh, so tempted. why is payday not today? #
10:16 must go catch me a bus shortly. work until 8.15, then grocery shopping, then dinner, then bed, then back up at 6am tomorrow, bleah. #

(flung into the ether by LoudTwitter.)

today's twitters...

2009-03-18T20:09:41Z

20:12 on a whim have decided to go to Blackpool on sunday, work willing. #
20:46 gah, hate setting my alarm. reminder that I have to be up at 6am for the next four days. #
20:55 really really really hate Mr. Big. Like really. (I'm unusually eloquent tonight, apparently.) #
21:35 kind of weird reading all these tweets from people in the US re: drinking Guinness as a special occasion; that's every friday night for me. #
21:42 terribly cheesy music to try and get me to relax: brian ferry, the bowie, roxy music, t-rex. on a serious 70s kick at the moment. #
22:14 still no sleep. rage. #
06:35 ugh, good morning . #
06:36 note to Jack: waking me up with the phrase 'shouldn't you be on a bus now?' is likely to make me stab you in a panicked sort of way #
06:37 ps. NO, NOT UNTIL 6.50. which is my cue to run to the bus stop. will be home around 5.30. argh. #
06:38 was going to forgo coffee this morning to save money, but fuck that. there is only so much glucose tablets can do #
18:13 home, finally. was full of rage at world on bus, but then boyfriend was waiting for me at bus stop. <3 #
18:14 things I learned today: 1. professionalism is way too much to ask for #
18:14 2. apparently people think it is fine to do their shopping barefoot #
18:15 3. 'keep calm & carry on' is the best personal motto ever #
18:15 4. lucozade remains godly #
18:16 5. implying that I am an alcoholic will, yes, make me irritated with you (why is this shocking?) #
18:16 6. I need to call my mother more often. #
18:19 honestly, if I was an alcoholic I would have figured out some way to sneak beer onto public transport. obviously I am too dumb for this #
18:26 have commenced lying around in a dressing gown and feel much less like I want to stab everyone in the face. #
18:56 ginger wine + silly 80s music = much better. #
19:23 ....why can I hear strange bubbling noises coming from the bathroom? #
19:41 taking an awesome bath now, with aforementioned glass of wine & The Gum Thief (which will either suck, or match the awesome bath). #

(flung into the ether by LoudTwitter.)